Path to death and back?
by N811
Summary: Bobby and Eames try to heal their partner- and friendship. But after a confession and a night full of hopes everthing changes, but does it change to the good or the bad direction? Plase R&R Maybe rated M in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

The nightmare begins

He smelled of beer and vodka, it was hard for him to keep his balance but not even the fact that he couldn't see straight stopped him from hitting the little bounce in the corner of the room. The little boy who sat there with his arms over his head, not moving not making any sound out of fear of his father waited for this whole scenario to end.

His father came nearer and the little boy could smell him. He didn't fear the punches he would get; he got them almost every night, every night his father came home after drinking and sleeping with other women. He could smell too on his father. He smell the cheap perfume, the cheap alcohol, he could smell the smoke and urine. Probably his fathers own urine.

His father kicked him in the rips but the boy remained still. He was afraid if he would cry or show any fear or hurt his father would scream at him and wake up his mom. He didn't want him to wake his mom. She would came and protect her, but his father would hit her, like he hit him. And he wouldn't let his father hurt her. He had hurt her enough.

"Stand up, you bastard."

The boy did as he was told but he fell back to the ground when his father kicked him once again in the stomach. He tried again but his father grabbed a chair and hit him over the head with it. He grabbed the boys t-shirt and forced him to stand up. He put his hand around the boys' neck and pushed him against the wall. The boy gasped and tried to wrestle himself free because it became hard for him to breathe.

"Say something, coward. You're the one with all the questions and answers; you're the genius here, so say something, damn, say something."

He was screaming in his ear and the boy tried to speak but his father closed his hand more forceful around his neck and with the other fist he punched the boys face. One time, two times, three times. It wouldn't stop.

He let go of the boys neck and grabbed his arm pushed him again against the wall and then on the table. The boy fell on the floor with a loud pang and his father stood above him and kicked him in his stomach.

Bang, bang, bang. He could even hear his bones brake.

Bang, bang, bang. The sound remained although every thing before the boys' eyes went black.

Bang, bang, bang.

Bobby sat up in his bed. He had dreamt again. But it felt so real, so he searched on his body after brushes and broken bones and cuts. But there were just scars, old scars, reminding him of his youth, new scary, reminding him of his life.

Bang, bang. But there was this sound. Why could he hear the sound when he woke up?

"BOBBY! Open the door damn."

Eames? What would she want here? Usually he was happy to see her, she was the only one who could make him smile and make his heart beat faster. He knew that he shouldn't feel this way about her but he just couldn't help. He never intended to fall in love with her.

But even if he was allowed to love her he would be afraid to tell her. Her friendship meant so much more to him. He couldn't live without her. And if he told her what he felt and she didn't love him back their whole friendship and partnership would brake apart. He couldn't risk this. And she was mad at him. Mad because he didn't say anything. Mad because he betrayed her. He hurt her and now it seemed like she didn't trust him anymore.

"Open the door, Bobby. I'll kick it in. Three..."

He hopped onto his feet and opened the door when she said "One.".

A really angry and mad, furious, looking Alexandra Eames was standing before him. But when she saw him all the anger disappeared and was replaced by worry. But soon she remembered that she was supposed to be mad at him and her worrying look vanished, but she didn't look angry anymore, she looked tired.

"What happened to you? You look like hell."

On her way in she brushed against him and he felt how his stomach turned over and his heart began beating so fast he thought it would get out and ran away. He wanted to kiss her but this would destroy every thing he valued so much, their partnership and more important their friendship…although he thought that their friendship was in danger too after Testarossa.

He didn't think that she loved him, would ever love him, could love him. Not someone like him. He had too much problems, he pushed her away, didn't want any one near him so no one could see how vulnerable he was. Alex needed a better man, a man who would love her without her having any doubt, a man who could make the money, who would give her a decent life and home. He couldn't do this. All he had to give was him. His love and his life. But for Alex this would never be enough.

"The captain called. We have the weekend off. But he couldn't reach you and when I called you didn't pick up. Care to explain?"

She walked to his couch grabbing the newspaper and sitting on it.

"I slept."

He scratched his neck and felt her eyes roam up and down his body. That's when he realised that he opened the door in his boxers and a t-shirt. His boxers were black with blue stripes on it and his black t-shirt was not really a wide one, Eames could see every muscle trough it.

"Uhuh…you don't look like it."

Suddenly she looked shocked, then hurt and her eyes were so sad he wanted to go and hug her breathless. But then her eyes narrowed and she had fire in them.

"Are you alone?"

She whispered almost. Her eyes darted through the room and she stood on her tiptoes to look past him. She looked as if she was going to throw a tantrum and search in his apartment for any sign of a woman to kill her after wards.

He was perplexed. Why did she think he was with a woman? And why did she look so hurt and mad? Was it because she thought that there was a woman with him? Could it be that she was jealous?

No way! Alex Eames wouldn't be jealous. Not when she thought he had a girlfriend. And by the way, the last time he had a relation ship with a woman was before she went into maternity leave. After that hadn't had a girlfriend. But that didn't mean that he wasn't with a woman from time to time. Truth was he was very often with a woman at night. Sometimes he met new one, other times he called Denise or Tina, one of them would always come to him.

The hurt crept back in her eyes again and he realised that he was lost in his thoughts for too long. She really did think that he was with a woman. Maybe she was truly jealous.

"No…I…uh…I just didn't sleep very well, that's all."

She just nodded and looked down o the floor. He had pushed her to many times away, blocked her out of his life countless times. If she really was jealous there could be a chance for them and he couldn't let it pass it away. He had to open up and trust her completely so that she could trust him again too.

"I had a night mare."

Sitting next to her on the couch he waited 'till she turned towards him, taking a deep breath and wondering if it was right to tell her about it he opened his mouth and hoped that this would make their relationship stronger and not more destroyed.

"About my father."

It was hard to tell her but she nodded and seemed less angry than she was when she entered his apartment. She sensed that he wanted to tell her something important, something he kept away from but was now brave enough to share it with her, so she waited for him to continue.

"He was never at home. Always away. Drinking. Sleeping with other women. He didn't even work anymore. At night he would sometimes came home, smelling of alcohol and cheap perfume."

She was shocked to say the least. Of course she thought that his father wasn't the best, but hearing it from Bobby himself was different. It was special, not only because he finally let her in his life, but also because it was Bobby who had this terrible father.

"Frank always said that dad was in paradise when I asked him were he was. He said that Dad didn't have to worry about mom, the bills or us. I was five then. I never understood what Frank meant. One day he said that every thing than being with mom. I couldn't understand this. I loved her so much. She…she was the only one who cared about me. Dad would never even look at me. He always said I wasn't worth his time and love. He wanted a girl, not a boy."

Eames put her hand on his, encouraging him to continue. He looked up and her smile warmed his heart.

"Frank was like him. I think sometimes that he just was so cruel towards me because that was what Dad expected from him. Frank was the golden boy. Dad loved him. He always said that Frank would be something better some day. He never liked me very much. Frank was the kid he wanted, I was just one mouth more to feed."

He sighed and lost himself for a few minutes in his own world, remembering how dark his youth was and how much he wanted to be loved by his father.

"I wanted him to like me. I looked up at him, wanted to learn from him. But every time I asked him something he would scream at me. Every thing I made and said never made him smile at me. Mom argued with him a lot. When he left I was nine, Frank never got home again after Dad left. I think he went with him, but sometimes he would come home and ask for money."

"Mom said always it was my fault. That they left. She said I wasn't a good enough son and brother and took all away from her. When she saw 'them' again she would scream at me, sometimes she beat me."

Eames gasped and Bobby turned his had to her. He had tears in his eyes.

"She was a good mom, Eames. She didn't know what she did to me then. And I never wanted to tell her. I never wanted to tell her that Frank left because he didn't want to be around her any more, because he didn't want o take care of her. It would have broken her heart. It was easier to let her think it was my fault, it was easier for her. And I couldn't tell her what Dad did to me, she loved him too much. I never told her."

"Never told her what?"

Eames asked quietly, not wanting him to stop but wanting to hear more. It was so sad; it hurt her so much to hear that Bobby had such a terrible time when he was a kid. She was happy when she was a kid. Her parents loved her and her brothers and sisters, she had everything then, but Bobby had nothing.

"That he beat me."

There were no tears anymore I his eyes, all she could see what hate. This man who never said a good word to him and never did him a good thing was now hated by him although he once fought for his love. But Bobby learned how much he hurt his mother and although he didn't care anymore what he did to him he hated him for hurting his mom.

"He said that if I told her, if I cried or shouted he would beat her instead of me. He wanted to hurt her! I had to stop him. And if he beat me he wouldn't want to go and beat her. Since I was seven I thought that mom played games with us when she talked about 'them'. It was a fun game, and both Frank and I always enjoyed playing it. But one night I realised that it wasn't a game, that she really saw them. And it scared me, it scared me to hell. So I went to my Dad and I had tears in my eyes. I thought someone wanted to hurt her. But when I asked him he grabbed my arm and twisted it so hard the bone broke and a piece of it cut trough my arm. The next day I tried it again. She was lying in her bed and I thought she was ill, but he just kicked me telling me to shut up and never ask again."

He laughed bitterly.

"You know me, Alex. I can't stop asking questions. It's in my nature. I was just worried. When he came home, drunk and angry, he threw me out of my bed, hitting me 'till he was too tired. Sometimes I waited for him. He said if he didn't hit me he would hit mom. I had no other choice. I had to protect her."

He was looking at the floor, not wanting to meet her gaze. She knew that he feared what he would see in them. He didn't want pity, but then she didn't pity him, she felt with him, hurting deeply like he did.

She lifted his chin with her hand and caressed his face. Their eyes met and her eyes drifted down to his lips. His eyes widened in shock when he saw it and when he felt her lips pressed against his. They were soft and warm, her taste wasn't to compare with anything, she just felt so damn good.

When he felt her tongue slide past his lips, begging for entry his breath slipped away. Why did she kiss him? Right after he told her all this? Was it Pity? Or was she just happy he let her in his life? He didn't respond to the kiss and felt like she drew away.

She felt like a coward. He was telling her the deepest and most terrible memories of his life and she was sitting there, kissing him horny. He just wanted a friend, not a love-sick partner. She blushed and couldn't look him in the eyes; she just ruined every thing, right then when it promised to be better than before his suspension.

"I…I'm…"

"Don't. You have nothing to apologize for. Don't say you're sorry, 'cause I'm not. I love you, Alex; I loved you for a very long time. I never knew how you felt about me and I was too afraid to make a step. I want to kiss you. I want to do a lot more than kissing with you. But before that I need to know if you love me. I need to know it because if you don't and this is just a one time thing it'll break my heart. And I want you to be honest. I need you to be honest. I can live with a no, Alex. And I can just go on like nothing happened. But not if we go further."

She was speechless, stunned. This night was a night of confessions. Bobby's confessions. And here she stood, her dreams were becoming true. He loved her. But she couldn't answer him. She just couldn't say a word, but this didn't seem to mind Bobby; he went on with his speech.

"Alex. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to not only dream about you but with you. I want to hold you in my arms during the nights; I want the first thing I see in the morning to be your beautiful face. I know that I have nothing to offer but you can have all I have, it isn't much but I give you my life, my heart…I give you myself. I want to learn how to love, how to share. I want you to know about me, about my past, about my thoughts. I want you to be my future. When I think of what will be in ten years I see you. I see you always, I think of you always, even if you are right next to me. I did this undercover thing not to just have my badge back but to have you back. I can't imagine what I'd do without you. I never want to close my eyes again because all I want to see is you but when I close my eyes I see you too. You're my heart, Alex. You're my sole, my fate; you are my life and my everything. You are the reason I stand up in the mornings, you are the reason I breathe. When you came into my life I began to live."

He took a deep breath and stepped towards her. After the kiss she had stood up and so had he. Tears where running down her face and when he took it into both hands she looked up to him with her beautiful brown eyes, letting him feel like he was going to melt.

"Tell me, Alex. Tell me the truth. Do you love me, too?"

She pressed her lips against his again and this time he let her tongue in and caressed his. She had no words after his speech, but her actions spoke more than her words ever could. He picked her up and led her to his bedroom, beginning to love the rest of his life with her.


	2. Chapter 2

And goes on

Alex rolled on her side but something was in her this. This something was big, warm and smooth. First she wondered what happened but than she smelled Bobby's sent and had to smile. So last night wasn't a dream.

Their love making last night was awesome. She never had a lover like Bobby who was so gentle and affectionate; he was giving not one bit taking and knew what he did. She had heard in the squad that Bobby was a sex good, but she never imagined it to be so fantastic. There was no word which could really describe how good last night was. Bobby ruined her for every other man. There could be no one beside him after that night.

She snuggled up against him and felt like his arm automatically wrapped around her waste. She felt so safe, so loved and right in his arms. But what if he would be scared like so often when someone came near him? What if he pushed her away again, like he always did? He would break her heart if he would leave her.

She had dealt good with her husbands dead, but Joe wasn't Bobby. She loved Joe, but not the way she loved Bobby. If he would be alive, she would leave him for Bobby, without any doubt. She just married him because he asked and because he was a great man. She didn't think that she would meet a man who loved her so much again and said yes. But then she didn't know that she was going to meet Bobby, her one and only true love.

She had to break his heart if she wanted to keep hers. Yes, it was selfish but she just couldn't live if the pain he would cause if he would leave her. She wasn't strong enough so she thought that if she would end this right now it would hurt less.

She lifted herself off the bed but a strong hand grabbed her gently around the waist and she was met by his strong muscular chest. Not that this was a bad thing but she was about to break his heart and she would rather do it without needing to explain things to him.

Since the suspension he lost all the pounds he had gained. He looked like the Bobby she met almost eight years ago although he had more grey had now but that didn't matter to her. He still looked sexy as hell.

Everything about him was great, and not just great but also big. She heard the rumours about him being big but when she saw him she thought that they understated this fact. First she thought that he might hurt her but he was so loving and caring, so gentle, that nothing mattered any more and although it hurt a bit when he had entered her she had never felt better with any man. He truly was a sex-god.

"Hey, beautiful."

He nuzzles her neck kissing her softly and slid his fingers over her body, sending tremors through her whole body with the slightest touch.

"I had a wonderful dream tonight. I dreamed that there was this beautiful woman. I loved her so much I couldn't find any words to describe it; I loved her so much it even hurt sometimes. But a miracle happened, because this woman loved me back. And when I woke up I found her right here in my arms."

His whisper made her dizzy and she wanted to stay here with him for ever. She loved it when he was so charming. Of course she hated it when he was charming towards other women but when he said such things to her, her heart melted. She didn't want to leave him but she saw no other solution. Of course he sensed her discomfort and began to worry.

"Something wrong?"

His eyes were full of worry but also love and he smiled up to her when he striated himself to have a better look at her. She could see how happy he was and for the first time he didn't try to hide his emotions of her. He trusted her completely, letting her see him totally vulnerable. And although it hurt so much that she this would be the only time was too afraid of the consequences.

Suddenly she pushed herself away from him, grabbed her clothes and quickly throwing them on. Bobby sat up in his bed and watched her with a stunned expression in his eyes.

"Where are you going? We have the day off."

"I have to go, Bobby."

She hoped that he would understand that he would not ask why and that he would let her go so that every thing could get back to normal. But it was never easy with Bobby especially in a situation like this.

"Okay…but we could have lunch together later. You said you have a new movie how about we watch it later?"

He thought she had to go because of her family, an appointment, something. He didn't want to think that she would leave. His Alex would never hurt him. So he thought.

"I can't Bobby."

"Do you regret it?"

He whispered and she stopped outing her blouse on and looking him in the I. She didn't regret it, of course not. This was the best night she ever had.

"It was a great night, Bobby. But I can't give you more than that."

She stepped out of the room but heard him jump out off the bed and then she felt his presence behind her. He had put a new pair of boxers on and stood shirtless behind her.

"I thought you love me too."

She could feel his breath beside her ear. Tears were running down her face and she closed her eyes trying to get her control back.

"I never said it."

She felt his hands on her shoulders and he turned her around so he could see her but she refused to look at him.

"I know you love me. It is in your kiss, in your touch, in your voice and in your eyes. Don't break my heart, Alex. I couldn't take it from you, Alex, I just couldn't"

She drew a deep breath in and looked up at him fighting the tears and willing no more to fall 'till she was away from him.

"I don't love you."

She could see in his eyes how she destroyed everything. She destroyed his world, his faith, his whole heart and life. He could see how in this moment she took everything away from him, killing him. She was at the door and reached to open it when she heard him whisper.

"Why? Why did you use me?"

"You needed someone to rely on."

"You just took the one reliable person in my life away."

He turned and went back in his bedroom closing the door quietly behind him. She wanted to leave him and now she had driven him away. She hoped that it wasn't for ever. The tears she was fighting so hard were falling now and little did she now that the man whom she ripped his heart out was crying too.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Bobby wasn't there yet when she arrived at more. The captain sat at his desk, waiting with a new folder in his hand for her.

"Good morning captain."

She looked around for Bobby but there was no sign of him.

"Morning Eames. You're partner isn't here. He called earlier, says he's coming later. Is he all right? He sounded strange."

_No, he isn't all right. You killed this poor man inside._

Since she left him that morning a mean voice in her head wouldn't shut up. Every time it told her how cruel she had been. She knew this. She knew she broke his heart but there was no need for herself to tell her this all the time. She did the only right thing, didn't she?

_Yes of course you did. You pushed the only man you every truly loved away and now his heart is shattered. You did good._

This voice was just as cruel as what she did to Bobby. And it was even more sarcastic than her.

"Uh…yeah…the last time I saw him he was…he didn't look like he was…uh…well…all right."

_What did you expect? Did you think he would dance and laugh after you destroyed his life?_

"When he arrives I want to see him, 'till then you can begin with the reports."

Two hours later, six coffees, several looks to the door and visits in the women room to call him, he arrived finally. Looking like hell and like he hadn't slept a minute since she left he didn't even care what he wore. With a black tight jeans and a green sweater, his hair looked like he had gotten right out of the bed and the first signs of a beard were seen on his face.

Without his Armani suit he looked very un-Goren-like but incredible sexy. The women in the squad looked after him whispering and giggling. He sat at his desk and didn't look up at her. There was no coffee or good-morning-smile, not even a "Good morning." Just a quickly "Hey." It hurt to see him like this.

_I thought this was the right thing to do? So why are you complaining? You wanted this, didn't you?_

"How are you, Bobby."

She expected him to cry, shout at her. It didn't matter she just wanted a reaction from him. But although she could see his fist twitch he remained silent.

"The captain wanted to…."

"Goren! Where were you so long?"

"Sorry captain, I didn't feel like going to work this morning"

"I see. You look like shit. If you need a break just ask."

"I'll think about it."

"Okay, I want you two in the Fleet Street. The FBI is going to be there but I want my detectives there also."

Bobby nodded and left for the elevator. Ross turned to Eames and looked with a strange look at her.

"Do you know what's wrong with him? I'm really concerned. He didn't even look this horrible when his mother was so bad."

_Of course you know what's wrong with him. You did this to him. You ripped his heart out when you slept with him just to tell him you don't love. And you did this in a moment he needed you as a friend. What a good friend you are._

"I think it's my fault. But don't worry, we can handle this."

Although Ross and Bobby had their differences Ross liked his detective. He was a good one and he was a good man too. Both of them wanted to be right, always, and with both of them being to proud to see that the other might be right they would always argue and shout. But otherwise he went along good with him. He was able to understand him and his quirky moves and strange behaviour.

"I hope so detective."

She watched him leave and hoped that every thing would just go back to normal but when she entered the garage and saw Bobby standing there waiting for her she knew that it wouldn't never be the same again, she destroyed it all.

_Tell him. Tell him you love him. _

_I can't. _

_Of course you can. He loves you and he understands you. He knows that you are scared, just go and tell him._

_If t would be this easy._

Know she even talked with herself. This couldn't get any more terrible. They were already in the cat, nobody said a word. After a while Eames broke the silence.

"We need to talk."

"There's nothing to talk about, Eames."

She should have known that he would call her Eames again. It felt so good to hear her name roll off his lips. His wonderful soft lips.

"Bobby…"

"You said every thing you needed to say, didn't you? I don't want to talk about this. Never ever again."

He was out of the car before she even could park the car and ran over to the other officers at the scene. It was dark in the streets; no one was around but them.

The murdered man lied on his stomach a knife was sticking in his back. She thought it could be a homeless and told Bobby this who turned the man around to look at his face.

"Homeless and drug-addicted. His dealer found him."

The officer at the scene said and when Eames saw how pale Bobby looked she told him to leave them alone now.

"Are you all right, Bobby?"

He shook his had and when she looked down at the man she knew why he went so pale moments before.

The victim was Frank. His brother.

This happens all before Frame. In my story Frame never happened but some thing that happened in Frame may happen in my story too.

I hope you don't mind and enjoy reading this. Please leave a review for me, it may help me with the next chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

When she saw that it was Frank who was murdered she instantly took Bobby's arm and pushed him away from the scene. She found a bench and sat on it beside him. His eyes were directed at the floor and he looked as if he was miles away. He was so pale and quiet that it made her worry even more.

"Bobby?"

She laid her hand on his arm and leaned closer to him running a hand through his hair.

"Don't touch me, Eames. I'm alright. I don't need your help. How do you want to help me anyway? Sleep with me again? You know…if I want to have sex to forget something of find comfort I go in the bar near my apartment or call some old girlfriends of mine. I don't need you for this."

"I'm sorry I left. I was just so scared. I thought that when you woke up you would think that this was a mistake and that you would leave me then. I feared that you might break my heart."

"Ohhh…no I understand everything. So instead of being hurt you hurt me. And you don't even know if I would have really hurt you. What part of 'I love you' didn't you get? I think it's pretty easy to understand. For me 'I love you' means that I want to be with you. Every time, every where. I don't want to loose over something stupid."

"But we are so different."

"If you really love me, Alex, then there is nothing different between us. We feel the same, want the same. And I know that we aren't very similar. But I think that this is what makes us so good together. We complete each other."

She sighed and looked at the floor. A second before they were shouting at each other and now he was trying to save a relationship they didn't have. He was irritating but she understood him, she always did. Just like he understood her. Maybe he was right, maybe they were meant to be together. She never ever felt something strong like this for a man before. And she was sure that she would feel like this with no other man.

"What if it doesn't work out?"

"That won't happen."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love you. Because it felt right what we did, because I was happy. And because when you left I wanted to die. I never want to live without you."

"But I'm scared."

"So am I."

She looked up at him and saw him smiling at her. Butterflies flew around in her stomach and her heart beat faster again. It would be hard and they would risk a lot but it would be worth it, wouldn't it?

"So you're not going to run if something doesn't goes like you want it to?"

"It depends. Do you want this something to go in this direction, because if you do, then it's right for me too."

"What about work?"

"I want to marry you. I want every one to know that you're mine. And if it means that we can't be partners any more then I can life with it because when I come home, you'll be there. You could make captain and I would work for the FBI, CIA or at an university. We can manage it and as long as I'm with you I don't care where I work. I could sty at home, with the children."

"Children? You want to have kids?"

"Do you want to have kids? I want to, but just if it's okay with you. I never thought that I would be lucky enough to have you, it makes me happy to be with you and I don't need children to be happy with you."

He stroked her cheek and looked her deep in the eyes.

"So what do you say? Do want to be with me?"

"You could get the chief laid if you would charm him like this."

"Good thing then that I just want to charm you and no one else."

She kissed him gently and pressed her forehead against his.

"I love you, too, Bobby. Can you forgive me that I broke your heart?"

"There's nothing to forgive. I understand that you were scared. I was really hurt but you just made every thing good again. No, good is an understatement. You made every thing perfect."

He kissed her again and this kiss turned a little bit more passionate.

"You really want to marry me?"

"Yes, but I'll make my proposal an other time. It has to be perfect."

"This is perfect."

"Oh…so….do you want to marry me?"

He fell on his knees and looked her in her eyes. His beautiful brown warm eyes were warming her and his boyish smile made her knees go week.

"Yes, I would love to marry you."

He stood up and swooped her into his arms, kissing her frankly. He swore to god that he would never let her go again.

I hope you liked this story. I never intended on ending it like this but I think that I'll write a second part to this story. I don't want to end this here, I want to let you all know how happy they are and there is this thing with his brother that has to be cleared, so I hope you're looking forward for the continuing story.

Please review and let me know what you would think of a second part to this story.


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